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Ohmetric 3 in 1 Workstation Notebook Case - $39.99

Demon In A Workstation BagTark Industries, office of Sonny Tark, how can I oh, hi, Sonny. Wait, you did what? You need me to WHAT?“Yes, hi, english? Do you speak… oh, thank God, you don’t know how hard it is to find someone at the Yugoslavian airport who speaks… no, sorry, I understand you’re busy, but I need some help here. My name is Spice, Spice Jarrs, and I work for Tark Industries. Yes, that’s right, the weapons manufacturer. I’m calling because… yes, that’s it ex ...

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Aw man, this remote controls everything!Which makes this second one redundant, I guess.Yeah I’ve been really looking for a way to keep myself completely inundated with sports news lately, so I snagged this ESPN 4-Device Universal Remote 2 Pack. It’s been exactly what I needed to avoid all the strain of day-to-day living. I don’t pay bills, I don’t open my mail, I just plop down on the couch, open another can of nacho cheez dip, and get to watching. I mean, it’s not just sport ...

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It Was Either This Or One Of Those Roses They Sell At The Gas StationMy beloved lady-love: I have lovingly created for you a gift made of pure love, to symbolize my love for you. (Note: gift actually includes some non-love ingredients, too.)First, eternal love of mine, I reached deep into the love-garden in my heart and plucked forth not just a rose, but a rose bush. A 12” tall rose bush, watered and nourished on my everlasting devotion to you. Now that it’s out, you should probably g ...

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Into the WoodsPersonally, I’m tired of condescending Luddites.“Look at you, with your fancy GPS-a-ma-bob!” you cackle. “Whatever happened to a good old-fashioned map, eh?” I’ll tell you what happened to it, gramps. It disintegrated in the Spring thaw, still clutched in the dessicated hand of the hiker who died of exposure in December trying to figure out which way to turn it. When it comes to outdoor gear, this brand of technophobia comes almost exclusively from comfortable ...

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Not Recommended For Professional Celebrity PhotographersYou were at the mall / I p-picked you out / Got three flash modes, it’s true / Need that picture of you / It’s so magical, in ten megapixelsApron and polo shirt So glamorous You looked so fine At Orange Julius, what time you get off? Before you tell me to get lost You should know that, baby, I See, I bought this cam, I’ll give it to you if you love me Pola, Polaroid, see? Baby, it’s a name you know, though it ain’t what it u ...

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Come on in, guys! You’re just in time!The big game is about to start!No. Why would I say “Who dat?” That’s not even English. No, I said, “Who is that?” I’ve never heard of him. Is he in the Sporting category? I don’t follow the Sporting Breeds much. I’m more a Toy and Working Breed kinda guy. Are you kidding? No, man. I just ordered this refurbished Philips 42” 1080p HDTV; there’s no way it would’ve gotten here in time for the big game! Look, it’s on now! Oh man, t ...

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No Frog Left BehindAll right, that’s it. I told you what would happen if I found another encyclopedia hidden under your mattress. No more Didj for a week.Don’t bother begging. Maybe after a week without solving any addition, subtraction, multiplication and division problems with the included Jet Pack Heroes game, you’ll knuckle down and get serious about your responsibilities around here. Have you even looked at all those Ultimate Fighting bouts on the TiVo? Or even one episode of Hur ...

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Who Wants Flowers When You’re Dead?If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you’ll probably want to know is how I feel about a dead writer they make you read in high school and all that kind of crap, but I don’t really feel like going into it if you want to know the truth.What I know, and really, who cares about any of this crap, is that there’s some guy they mentioned on one of my mom’s old Beastie Boys records because he rhymed with “challenger”, and they probabl ...

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It’s A Barbarian Thing“Seatbelts?” they say. “What if I’m trapped by a seatbelt in a burning car?”Maybe you know this person. Maybe you ARE this person. But this one-in-a-million burning car scenario isn’t about reality. It’s about control. It’s about the fear that Johnny Law is crushing our freedoms by passing a crazy oppressive seatbelt law. We get it. And there’s one way Americans always enjoy responding to the crushing of freedoms. With weapons. So the SOG Bi-Polar S ...

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Finally, I can know exactly where I am at all times!Now if only I had somewhere to go.This refurbished Bushnell Onix 200 Handheld GPS has me covered wherever I may go in North America. And lucky for me, it’s pretty easy to spot the Taco Bell on the maps. Why would I go roaming out into the woods? I don’t want to die. Yep, I’ve got grayscale maps that are sort of easy to view. Of course, I could always look up and see what street I’m walking down. Now if only I could get this thing t ...

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You Have The Radio OnYou Are Drivin’Man, there’s nothing quite like the feeling of driving a long stretch of American interstate highway with the radio turned up loud, is there? Picture it: You’re free, man, out on the road, singing along to some old tune, with your hands on the wheel and the wind in your hair. Weather permitting. And assuming you have hair.Only one problem with this scenario: If you’ve ever actually road-tripped across this great land of ours, you know that the rad ...

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The Revolution Will Be Easily Converted After It Has Been TelevisedOh, yay! The mail’s here! Bills, bills, bills, magazine, bills… Aha! Finally!At long last, my Doctor Who season 17 videotapes have arrived! Boy, it sure was a long wait, but at least I have the smug satisfaction of knowing that my steampunk torrent system is foolproof and unhackable. Choke on it, MPAA! You’ll never catch me and my friends! And it’s all thanks to the Ion VCR 2 PC USB Videotape Conversion Player. See, ...

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Hidden TreasuresYou’re kidding me. All that hiking for a measly can of peanut brittle?I thought geocaching was a thing that people did to have fun, not to give out treats from grandma. A high-tech treasure hunt sounded so awesome on the website, but I was kind of hoping the results of a hard day’s hike would be a little more exciting. Quirky, even. Instead, I find peanut brittle. Awesome. Someone’s getting a very nasty email for me when I get home. At least the Bushnell ONIX 400 GPS S ...

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Lord Of The HearingsIt has the precious koss koss. Nasty, mean, wootsit keeps us from the two pack of the precious koss koss. Nasty wootsit.We has been in isolation so long koss koss and in silence too. But when we find the two pack of the precious koss koss, we are so happy! Our life, it begins anew! And then, one day, this wootsit comes koss koss and takes the precious from us. It takes both of the preciouses, too, leaving us nothing. We has no sound. We has no included small silicone ear ...

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Beau JestIs something funny, young man? You won’t be laughing when you pay me back for that airline ticket to Tunisia.I guess you think it was just hilarious, leaving me that video message on the Audiovox Video Message Center. I bet you were just busting a gut when I dropped everything and ran off to the Sahara. Well, Gary, someday you’ll have kids of your own, and you’ll know: you don’t stop and ask questions when your only son tells you he’s gone off and joined the French Foreig ...

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Somewhere In A Convention Center Near The AirportOkay, looks like your check’s cleared so… you’re in! Welcome to the 2010 Cosplay Con, here’s your badge, just watch those dragon wings in the elevator, and we’ll see you at the luncheon! Next!Hey, how’s it going? Welcome to the 2010 Cosplay Con! Today we’re letting in cosplayers for half price, but I do have to tell you that you’ve got to actually be in the costume before I can… oh, you ARE in your costume? Well, sorry about ...

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HD Video Editing Is BulletproofAs a gesture of support for free speech, Woot announces today that we will not be selling this video-editing software in China. (Also, the shipping costs would kill us.)Pinnacle Studio Ultimate Version 12 allows users to create professional-quality Blu-Ray movies, complete with color correction, special effects, green screens, and on-screen titles. And it does it in real time, without transcoding. Edit it, add effects, burn it to a Blu-Ray disc – you won’t ...

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You Can’t Spell “Lenovo” Without “No Love”What’sa matter, hon, huh? Don’t I do it for you no more? Don’t lie. I seen you lookin’ at them flashy young PCs and ignoring your old Lenovo H210.I guess my Dual Core processor don’t thrill you like them Core2Duo bimbos do, right? I know you been checking out all them shiny new systems strutting around CES, too, you heel. Like they’d ever look twice at you. Some of them ain’t even gonna ship until the 3rd quarter! But you got ...

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Pssst. Hey. What did that guy just say?Hi, I’m covering CES for Woot. Can I see your notes?It’s just that I was listening to my Sandisk Sansa Fuze 4GB Media Player. Well, it’s kind of a corporate requirement that I say the full name like that. Anyway, who’s this guy talking? Okay. What’s he talking about, exactly? No, to be honest I was zoning out and listening to a Flairs tune. You like Flairs? Oh. Nevermind then. Hey, you want one of these things? We seriously get like five of t ...

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These Pictures Of You“Freddie? Freddie, will you answer your door, for Pete’s sake? Come on, dude, open up! The neighbors are beginning to complain about all the loud crying and wailing.”“SO?! Who cares about the stupid neighbors? Let them call the cops for all I care! Gertie’s gone and I don’t care about anything anymore!” “Seriously, man, you gotta get over her.” “How dare you trivialize my pain, Joey! I am mourning the death of the best relationship I ever had! How ca ...

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